Inte ett citat direkt, utan snarare ett råd till amerikanska turister.
Originally Posted by Mosschops
Bugger all that. Here's my advice for Americans abroad:
1. Push your way to the front of every queue, and refuse to acknowledge any one else on pavements. Push them out of your way.
2. At ALL times dress in the following manner: Flourescent pink shell suit top, flourescent green shell suit trousers (pants), baseball cap with 'Bubba's Feed and Tractor's' on it, bright white trainers (sneakers) and a bumbag.
3. Buy the BIGGEST camera possible. If you don't have to hire two locals to carry the weight of the lens, it ain't big enough.
4. Refuse at all times to speak the local language. If it seems like they don't understand, just repeat yourself getting progressively slower and louder. They'll get it eventually.
5. Everyone loves Americans, and always wants to know what they think. To be gracious, whenever you are in a restaurant, speak AS LOUDLY as humanly possible. It will stop people having to strain to hear you. Also query the menu. The locals love that. And constantly ask for American products, even if you are in Eastern Europe, it will be like a window into another world for the impoverished locals.
6. Any food you eat, immediately spit out with an exclamation of disgust.
7. As a Brit, I know that there's nothing that Johnny Foreigner likes more than a drunken tourist. Drink at any available opportunity. Nothing builds camaraderie between nations than a drunken rampage through a civic building.
8. If you ever have problems getting a reservation at a restaurant, or if the waiter is a little slower than he should be, start threatening everyone with military action 'We're goin' to carpet-bomb your sorry asses' or 'We're going to get Nagasaki on your ass' are good examples of phrases that will improve service.
9. Pay for everything in dollars. Everyone knows that the local Monopoly money is worthless. People will do anything for Yankee dollar. Especially in Thailand.
10. Carry a list of places 'to do' at all times. People will respect you when you say 'This morning we're doing London, then we're going to get the Tube to do Scotland.' Talk about how you 'did' France last year in 11 hours. People will think you're sophiscated and well travelled.
11. Everyone in England knows Prince William. Just ask them.
12. If anyone gets snooty, just remind them about the war. It doesn't matter which one, chances are they lost it.